Monday, April 27, 2009

Emotional Clutter....

Well, my class is going so/so. We have yet to touch upon anything life changing and I'm growing aggravated by the other people in the group. They are really close minded and it bothers me. I don't feel like sharing in that type of group. I'm also still on the waiting list for one on one therapy so my tarot must step in.

1.)What kind of emotional clutter have I accumulated?

5 Swords, Page Cups, Sun

It looks like that 5 has entrapped the Page. Like I'm struggling with myself. That Page wants out to play and enjoy but the 5 has her trapped. It isn't safe, you can't go willy-nilly and carefree. I don't know what the Sun is doing there at all. Maybe that's my belief in how I see things. Even though I know they are wrong I somehow convince myself that things are how they seem.

2.)How is it affecting me?

10 Wands, 9 Wands, 8 Wands

Bizarre cards and a bizarre image. There is no touching, no over-lapping. I am burdened, but I persevere, even though I wish to fly away. Or just die.

3.)How is it affecting my relationships with others?

Empress, Wheel, 6 Swords

I do feel disconnected to others. Almost like I am on a journey no one else can understand. Which is how anxiety is. If you've never experienced it you have no idea how it is. But why is the Wheel stalking me? Is it because I still don't know if this is meant to be or what? I feel like this card will keep reappearing until I figure it out.

4.)What steps can I take to remove this clutter?

6 Wands, Death, 10 Swords

Realize the worst has come to be, as it has. Cut out what is not needed and visualize myself as I want to be.

5.)What can I do to avoid accumulating clutter in the future?

8 Cups, 2 Swords, 2 Cups

Letting it go, making a conscious decision to let it go, and to rely more on my close relationships to keep me sane. I know I don't always see things as they really are and I do need to ask for help sometimes. I'm so bad at that as I don't want to burden anyone. But what else are they here for if not for when I need them? I would do the same for them.

I am so not in the mood for this today. It's been a long weekend and my fuse is short.

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