Wednesday, June 24, 2009

Confusion Spread

by: SilentBreeze

I think the problem is:

2 Pents, Queen Pents, Queen Cups

This card is what I think the problem is. Which is weird because the Queen's are superimposed on each other. This is how I feel a lot of the time. Like I have to choose between feeling my emotions and living in this world. Like I cannot do both. It is hard to explain in words. But the image feels how I feel. Almost like there are two of me struggling inside here for control.

But really the problem is:

7 Wands, Justice, 7 Swords

Well, look at that. Balance again, but they're each on a scale! It looks like fight and defend or retreat. This actually makes sense after the epiphany I had last week. I was reading and the author suggested that panic disorders are your body's way of trying to protect you. And I thought that made sense since my family wasn't really there for me when I was young. So, now I'm trying to re-train my body not to react to things that are not a threat to me. This image seems to strike a balance between those two extremes. Because, a bit of anxiety is healthy, to alert me to dangers so I don't want it completely gone but I don't want it going off for every little thing. Which takes the focus off the Queens above. There is nothing wrong with me mentally, which I already knew and have been feeling way better since my epiphany.

So I should consider:

Moon, 6 Cups, Wheel

Here is the solution card. That damn Wheel again! Is the 6 in the water quadrant of the Wheel? There is a lot in this image. For one thing, the Moon only has her third eye open. So that tells me that logical is not the way to go here. Also, those feathers from the Wheel are over her mouth. That is weird. I'm wondering if the 6 is about nurturing my inner child and perhaps taking a journey back to that time and maybe just listen.

And then:

5 Pents, Knight Swords, Strength

This is the action card. I think Strength here is animal instinct, aka my disorder. That 5 again, remember before where Death was right at his head? So here it is with a sword run through. But the sword isn't in the normal position when fighting. How strange is that? I've already learned to look at this in a different way. This is not a fight, my anxiety is not the enemy. It is my protector and now I must break away and let it go. Teach it and myself how to live on my own in the world. I feel the Knight's kneeling and the position of his sword are important but I can't find the words to explain. Like, he is in service, not in battle.

But remember:

Tower, 6 Pents, Ace Swords

This is the important factor card. The Tower for me is the crumbling of lies, which I assume is the next step. So that I may rebuild. And this is going to hurt a bit so I should be good to myself. I also think the Ace is a great sign that I will be able to see through to the truth and integrate my new thought processes without much of a problem.

You know, sometimes I love this deck so much.

1 comment:

  1. Great post! Thanks for sharing. By the way, your post reminded me of a song. Scars by Papa Roach. Thought it might echo what you're working through.

    Love the layout with the Transparent deck. I should pull mine out again.