Friday, March 20, 2009

Light and Shadow Spread

It feels like forever since I've done a real reading. This should be a nice break from the intense experiments. I think I'm reading it out of order but that's the way it wanted to be read. So there.

The Light
2 Pents, Strength, 6 Swords

So, this is supposed to be my light... well, I like how the images stack on top of one another. I'm going to start at the bottom. I'm going to step out of my traditional learned meanings and just go by the image itself, I think this deck reads better that way. I like how the two arms are outstretched, almost victorious with those pents. Like, "Look at me ma!" I see this as the balancing of myself. Being able to be normal while holding my anxiety in check. I really hope the collective "you" that reads this blog are not too tired of hearing me read about my anxiety. I've started meds today, so maybe I will soon be able to read about something else... moving on. So, I have this balance, and then here comes Strength to carry me away in that boat. Yeah, that would be my Light.

The Shadow
Page Swords, King Pents, 4 Cups

In the spread, these figures were facing away from my Signifactor. So they all have their backs turned to her, I used the Q of Pents. So, the King would be me advancing from the Q. I see that as living in the "real" world, tied by all my senses. Which is pretty funny. Sometimes I get so tied up with tv shows that I forget that I don't live in them sometimes. The Page, well she's off running with scissors! That 4 is mostly my "If only I didn't have this anxiety..." which I do all the time!

How you sometimes move into the shadow
5 Pents, Moon, Queen Cups

Well, when I start to take stock of everything I've lost, I go into the shadow. When I drink, I go into my shadow. When I allow myself to stop denying my emotions.... When I allow myself to dream of things that I will never be able to do... I go into the shadow. I even had to stop the "what if we had a baby" talk because I just can't take it. And I know I must let him go if he continues. But that is a topic for another time....

How you can move further into the light

8 Swords, 9 Cups, Emperor

The stacking here is strange. And the 9 seems to be almost in front of the others. There are times, when I am medicated, that I do enjoy myself and my life. But behind is always the fact that I am tied to this thing that rules my life. I should look at this image positively. Maybe the image of the Emperor is protection from that 8. Perhaps that is how I should look at it. Use those rules to separate the 8 and 9. I know it is possible.

I had a thought earlier. I had a conversation about my anxiety, where I referred to it as a fight to the death. I was encouraged to try to look at it positively so it would be easier for me. I think I thought of a way. But then, swiss cheese memory over here, I forgot it. I think it had something to do with doing everything I'm supposed to be doing, but those things I don't do. But I hate doing those things and I talk myself out of them. But now I've lost my point....

1 comment:

  1. I'm not tired of hearing about the anxiety. :) I worry about the same thing, whenever I mention it anywhere.

    That reminds me.. I chose cards for Sweet_Intuition's "How to Heal Your Life" spread, but never really wrote about it, online or in my journal.