Experiment 2 Part 2

Sorry for the delay, was waiting on our Great Leader for some insight into these positional meanings.

1. The source of my Light

5 Swords, Queen Cups, Fool

This is where our "personality" or "light" developed and began to 'blossom'. This card indicates the 'root' of our personality.

The 5 and the Fool clearly show an ability to pick up the pieces and move on, that nothing is really all that bad. I tend to not dwell on things. I have a saying that if no one is dying then it isn't a big deal. The Queen shows a good understanding of emotions. By that I mean that I am not one to deceive myself. I am quite aware of my emotions and where they come from but I don't always know what to do with them. I also think that 5 speaks of the abandonment I experienced early in my childhood.

2. The source of my Shadow

9 Swords, 5 Wands, Justice

This represents the "root" of our shadow side. Where it began to develop and .. well, I can't seem to think of a word that's similar to 'blossom' but more in a shadowy way.

Well, that 9 could be my anxiety. I really feel the 5 and Justice are saying that it was a natural reaction to that 9. Like, well what else were you supposed to do with that? But I don't like how she is sitting on one side of the scale.

3. Where does my Light shine the most?

6 Swords, Ace Wands, 3 Pents

This position indicates where you are able to express the traits, talents, abilities, characteristics given by your personality card the most. As well as, the times and instances you're able to .. well.. shine!

Ok, well I'm good at learning my lessons and moving on. I do get many sparks of passion and am always following something new and that three is showing that I am good at doing that. This is funny because I think a lot of these things that I do are mostly a distraction from my anxiety.

4. What does my Shadow hide the most?

8 Wands, 7 Swords, Wheel

These are the areas you need to work upon, reflect upon, look into yourself, heal, etc etc, that you may or may not be aware off, but your 'Shadow' card prevents you from truly "seeing" and "understanding"

Wow, um I'm a bit stumped on this one, as I always am when the Wheel shows up. But the placement of the 8 and 7 makes me think that the defending and planning that I do is really taking me away from what I'm supposed to do. So, in a sense, my anxiety is distracting me from my real life purpose. How strange that is to think. As most who read this blog know, I thought my anxiety was punishment from a former life, or here in the now to further my eternal being. Now, I think this may not be the case.

5. What does my Light want me to see the most?

3 Cups, Page Wands, 7 Cups

This position represents areas/moments/situations, etc that your 'Light' is willing to shine, and where you can also 'shine' bright as ever, but you may not really know this, or probably do, but were afraid or weren't willing enough to let yourself "shine".

Ok, let's look at that 3 because with the 7 it is true to my life. I'm always on the outside, on purpose. I like to see people having a good time, I just don't want to be involved. I can, of coure, I have many friends and get along well with people, I just prefer to be alone. Perhaps that Page is telling me that there is something more to involvement that I could benefit from

6. What does my Shadow want to hide from me the most?

6 Wands, 10 Cups, 2 Swords

These are areas that we choose to (consciously and unconsciously) 'block' and 'ignore', thinking that avoiding them will make them go away, but doing so only makes them harder to release. Acknowledging them and healing them is the only way of truly releasing them and finding a sense of inner peace.

This is tough. One of the things I ignore is my family. Or rather, I prefer not to think about it. I had a difficult childhood and my family is scattered. We don't know how to be a family and that has always bothered me and I know it is a part of things for me in the present. Perhaps that 2 is telling me that I don't know what to do, which I already know that. I don't know how to mend what happened to me and how to make it all ok now.

7. How do I create a harmonious balance between my Light and Shadow.

3 Swords, Ace Pents, Tower

Well, thanks a lot! If there ever was a suicide card..... I'm kidding! I need to cut out those parts of me and change the foundations of my thinking so that I may begin again, stable in this world. I love that Ace. I see so much potential for really living in the world with that card. *sigh* That is what I wish for more than anything.

Well, that was a tough read and I will need to go back over it in a few days. It's a lot to think about.