Another X Appeal....

This is anonymous. And I'm going to read just off the images I get, but I will put down which cards they are so you can do your own interpts if/when mine are totally off!! Let's commence with the dirty innuendos!!

1.) Physical features about you that they find attractive

Temperance and the High Priestess. Well, that half moon could be a few different body parts, I'd have to guess the booty first though. And there also is that open book, spread open, if you will. Although, that rainbow could be pointing to something as well, maybe the Pot O' Gold?

2.) Emotional/personality features about you that they find attractive

Fool and 10 Cups. I'd say that not only are you able to find joy, you are quick to share it with your partner. How cute is that? You are able to celebrate even the mundane, making it exquisite and special because the two of you are able to experience it together.

3.) What you have that they want or find sexy

6 Wands and Page Pentacles. I think the page is pointing to your playfulness which comes in a form that is stable, never dangerous or hostile. I think that 6 is either you taking the lead and/or being very good at what you do.

4.) What you need to work on to become more attractive to them

7 Cups and 9 Pents. This image is hard to see but it looks as if the woman of the 9 is almost lounging on our man of the 7. I am not quite sure what to make of this. I'd like to say that the 7 is daydreaming while the 9 is ready to be pampered.

5.) Your overall sex appeal (how attractive you are to them)

6 and 9 Swords. You are so sexy that your partner feels they have been hit by a boat! Look at how the dude in the boat is like, "huh?"

6.) Their overall sex appeal (how attractive they are to you)

Moon and 5 Swords. What attracts you to your partner is their third eye... no, wait that can't be right.... Some of these are just not as much fun as the other ones.... There is a lot of slowness in this image for me, and the purple is soothing. I feel like, no matter what happens to you during your normal daily routine, you can leave it all behind when you are with your partner. And that is attractive to you. Perhaps the way you are seen through their eyes has some affect on you.

7.) What they need to work on to become more attractive to you

Death and 8 Wands. How fun is this image? Perhaps being more open to change and being more spontaneous would make them more attractive to you. If there is all that calming from the cards before, here we see a need for a bit more fire.

8.) What they have that you want or find sexy

Hermit and Queen Cups. This would suggest that your partner is quite loving and is a beacon for you. Which is kind of what I was getting at in the Moon. This sure is some match!

9.) Emotional/personality features that you find attractive about them

Queen Pents and 4 Cups. I'm wondering if your partner is what drives you. Or if they are able to pull you up when you need it. See, I can't tell if these two images are two separate entities or two sides of your partner. Well, I'm sure you will know better than I do. Perhaps your partner is able to show you what you could have, you just need a little prodding. And that, in turn, allows you to reach your full potential.

10.) Physical features that you find attractive about them

4 Wands and 5 Cups. Those wands up there look like arms and legs and the negative space looks like a body to me. We also have that gentle curve in between the two figures. I don't know what that means though. And why is that other guy all off to the side like that? Perhaps your partner does something, like meditate or yoga, that makes them more appealing to you. I have no idea. The little guy looks like he's posing.

Anyway, hope that was fun for you at least! :D

Grandmother Moon

Using hub's scanner since mine is not compatible with vista, darn it.

So this is the spread I do every month, usually around New Moon, but I'm a bit late this month.

Waxing Moon ~ growing stronger

How positive is that! It looks like my will to leave this all behind me will be reinforced by the Devil. I'm hoping getting ready to move will improve my anxiety. Once I change counties, help will be available to me again. So only one more month of no help! I think this is telling me I am closer to my goal.

Full Moon ~ a ripe opportunity

I like how the Magician and the of Cups look here. It looks like the hubs and I will be able to reconnect and stop the bits of fighting we've been experiencing lately. It looks like we will be able to put all that behind us and get back to us. Which would be nice.

Waning Moon ~ what will be fading

I am confused by this image. The simplest thing I can think of is that my enthusiasm for moving will quickly fade once I remember all that goes into the entire process. But for now, I'm going to enjoy the thought of leaving this place.

New Moon ~ where release is needed
I find it odd that not only do we have the dual horses, we also have double tens. One of air and one of earth. Now, this makes perfect sense to me so let's see if I can put it into words. My head is at odds, all the time. There is the thinking part and there is the here and now reality part. However, I did not need the cards to tell me that I need to find a way to get the two to work together. I love how the light horse is with the Pents and the dark horse is with the Swords.

Blue Moon ~ unique experience that brings insight

I think I know when this experience will be, at that charity event I'm doing, but I'm not quite sure what these cards are trying to tell me. It looks like I will have a good time, raise some money, and hopefully can tame my inner beast enough to not let anyone piss me off!

Dark Moon ~ what to watch out for

Well, beware of people with cups? Am I blind or is this suggesting someone wants to steal my man? Perhaps it is to remind me to pay attention to him lest someone else catches his eye. I don't know how or when that would happen since he's either here or at work. And he works with all boys. :D

I have another reading to do but will do it during the day tomorrow.

Charity Event...

Just a quick post that I hope some of my fellow readers in the Cleveland area will see. Or others will push them to!

I've put up a thread in the tarot meetings forum.

February 14, 2009. 10pm to 2am at the Chamber in Lakewood, which is next to Cleveland. Proceeds go to Juvenile Diabetes.

I am looking for a few readers to help me this year as I was swamped last year and am not looking forward to that again. I will be setting up at about 9pm. I am not expecting anyone to stay the entire night but even an hour would help me out immensely. Last year I lost my voice and only took one break and still had a line of people when I stopped reading at last call. Think of all the money that could have gone to those kids.

Please help me out or direct your ohio reading friends to me. I will take any kind of diviners!

The club is safe and friendly. I've been going there for more than a decade and I know everyone that works there. You will be protected at all times if you feel you need to be. I can also find big men to walk you to and from your car, the parking lot is right outside.

Transparent Cross...

I scrapped the last one as I just didn't care. I think I will keep to small spreads so I stay interested.



The central card, 4 of Swords, has been following me lately. It currently fits as I think I am finally recovering from an almost 7 week illness. I've been allowing myself to sleep all I want to. Last night I slept from 3 am to 1 pm. I've also been having very vivid sexual dreams, which is quite strange for me. Perhaps that is my brain signaling that my body is working its way back to health and life. Which is fabulous since I have been wondering if I was going to make it through this. So, yes, right now I am resting and recuperating.

The West brings us the Moon, which goes very well with my disturbing dreams but promises that as my body heals, so will the mind. So just ride it out, it won't take long. You are healing now and quite safe. It also warns, like I don't know this, of emotional ups and downs as the body heals. Yeah, my hubs is loving this part!

To the East, 9 Cups tells me that it is ok to let the family worry about me for a change. It is also reminding me of how much my mother worries so I must keep in contact with her and give her updates so she feels like a good mother and take one more thing off her worry list. I love how this card fits with the 4. That is how my family is, they wait there until I call for them. They are ready but allow me to choose when I need them. Almost like guardian angels.

And to the North, health and finances, we have a mighty scary looking Queen of Swords. I don't think I need to worry here. She's got it all taken care of. Holy cow, she really is quite something, isn't she? This is also telling me to be dilligent about my post care, with the pills and shakes I must take to regain my strenght. Last night, the hubs and I were trying to figure out how to get me to drink these awful powdered shakes. We finally came to pudding, which is working quite nicely but my doc would freak out if he knew. But the way I look at it, as long as I'm getting the nutrients in, what else matters? I'm severly underweight so maybe that will help put some weight back on. Plus, I'm looking forward to getting up and having a pudding shake for breakfast!

To the South, we have another one that's been following me lately, the 6 of Wands. How nice of him to show up in the position of his power! So my will and spirit are focused on being victorious, right they are. Perhaps with him and that Queen, I've nothing to worry about. I need my pudding, of course.

Oh my doc would just be so mad at me! He told me no chocolate! And I was thinking, "Yeah right. There's no way that tastes good enough to not need chocolate." There isn't any reason other than he wants only healthy things because I've not been eating for so long. Like to quickly rebuild my reserves before I go nuts on the junk food. But I have to tell you. The shake is so nasty I won't eat it. Not a bit. So last night Patrick found a thing of pudding and dumped it right in the blender. Then he made me taste it. And I ate it! So that's our answer. At lest I will get the needed nutrients in my body where they can do what they do. And I can eat pudding!

Illusion and Clarity

Well, I'm in the midst of problems at home and I'm not sure if it's a stress thing, since we are trying to move, or if it's time for me to skadaddle out of here on my own. Now, I'm not sure if I would help me to do a relationship spread or look more into me....

So I'm still deciding. I think I will do the Illusion and Clarity spread first and maybe that will shed some light on the whole thing.

The illusion that the Querent has about the situation
Well, at first glance, I notice 2 cards are flipped. The Knight and Temperance have been flipped. So this way his left hand is in the fire and the cup is offered from his right hand. This is strange because he had a "talk" about marriage again today. I've also talked about moving out today as well. I was in an awful mood. Ok, so this is my illuision... I think these cards switched to show him on the side of the dark horse. Because on the side of the light horse is the water and I see this side as good. Now here he is on the bad side, with me and dealing with me, all on fire. I fear he will realize that he doesn't need to be here and he will take his cup and leave for the good side, with a more "normal" woman. And I can't say that I would blame him either. I don't want to be here on the bad side and he certainly doesn't need to be here.

The true reality of the situation
All 3 of these cards are flipped and I can't say it makes much difference except for how the Phoenix and the Lion are facing. So, the reality... Well, the 9 of cups is there, oh so close, maybe it just needs for me to get a handle on my beast, my anxiety, and to put it behind me, hence Judgement. Perhaps the reality is that he is obviously still waiting for me to do these things. And maybe some of that reality is that it can be done.




Forces at work in the situation, which will help and/or hinder the Querent
Now only Death is flipped and that brings the scythe right down into the 3 of pents. This really says to me that I'm on the road to my recovery. Death and Wheel both point to that for me. And that little guy in the 3 is offering up a pentacle to death. What this also says to me is that whatever will be will be. Which is something I truly believe. I can't say that this relationship is meant to be forever because I don't believe anything is meant to be forever. But I see this also as meaning that if I work it, it will work. There are forces at work here that I may not know about.



The past
This one is a bit tricky. Temperance and Wheel around the 9 of Cups. This is quite fitting for me in the romance department. I've stayed in the middle of the road, never getting to close and pretty much staying with a partner until I feel it's time to move on. Or when they wanted more than I was willing to give. This is the first time I haven't felt that need to move on.






The present
I almost feel like this image is telling me to stop fighting. That with some love and care none of this will be an issue. This one has me confused most of all.








The future
Now the Phoenix seems to be encompassing both horses. And there's our little guy again with his pentacle. Perhaps the hard work I put into the Strength from the last set will allow me to become the person I want to be, in regards to my anxiety. Maybe then my horses will allign and all this will be over.


And now I'm exhausted so I'm going to let this settle in my head and see what pops out later.

What's New Pussycat......

I've been so busy making bags! I've started feeling better today, finally! After almost 6 full weeks of being stricken with a recurring bout of food poisoning. Of course, that may all be due to the fact that I took an ativan. But whatever.

So here's what I've made:

The first is a spread cloth off the Llewelyn site (2 feet wide), the middle is a bag for my Giger, and the last, but not least, is the Transparent's new home!





It's too late for me to post my reading so I will do it in the morning.

Since the AT is down....

I had planned on taking the night off since the hubs is working on my comp. But the AT is down which means I have nothing to keep me from reading the deck. And if I'm going to read I may as well share it here.

So, I've done a few cute non-important readings and I really want to see if this deck can really speak, or rather, if I can figure out its language.

I decided to do a PPF with my anxiety as the topic. It has been a rough few months for me and I'm about at the end of my rope. This is my last treatment option before I give in and go back to letting a doc experiment on me.

The first card, the Past position, is the Emperor, Page of Wands, 6 of Wands. The image looks like this:
This says to me that it began when my life was rather stable and controlled. I'm wondering if this has something to do with my father as well. Perhaps genetics? I do believe my mother has more of a role in my development as my father was drunk and not available to me. Well, that isn't true. I was terrified of him and did not like the drinking but exactly how much of that I understood before the age of 12 is unknown to me. The cards are also acknowledging that my disorder did develop at an early age. I was 12 and have very little memories of anything before that first anxiety day. It is strange to me that this little figure that I take to be my psychopath, and by the way, I am amazed that I am able to see him, doesn't look too threatening with wands instead of swords. It looks as though I almost birthed him, wanting someone to... I don't know but it looks as though I'm fetching a wand for him. Perhaps he began as a coping mechanism? I was so young I can't remember. But then, I can't remember 30 seconds ago either.

I want to point out right now that this deck is the only one that can make me cry and I've not even had her a week!

Second card, Present position, Chariot, Knight Swords, 9 Swords:

Here you can see my favorite card of the deck, the 9 of Swords. Such a simple yet powerful image and she gets me. I like how she is clearly inside of the white horse. I want to take this to mean that I am quite aware of my situation and that it is as bad as I think it is. Which, of course, what else would I think? It's just that I have studied this disorder for almost 20 years now, I know what I'm doing, but I don't want to get into that.... What is the difference between the two horses and which one am I in? Obviously, I'd rather be split between the two, since I must get them to run together. But that Knight, that is my love! Can you see him? He is always this card. And he is so supportive, being there in the ways he can. Telling me to just keep trying and he will be here to help me. If it weren't for him being here today, I would not have gotten out of bed. I owe him more, I must get better. Maybe he has something to do with the second horse?

Third card, Future, 4 Pents, 4 Swords, Justice:

At first glance I immediately think that is my psychopath dead on the floor. Only I know what that 4 really means and if that lil bugger is planning on merely resting to come back even stronger... well.. I will just spit! But that other 4 has his foot on his head! Look at that! I wonder what that means? And am I the green one? Justice is a great card to have here but it still does not give me an answer as to if the anxiety will be gone. Although this image would seem to suggest it will at least be a bit more managable, if only for a short time. Which still doesn't tell me anything as I am worst this day of the year (as in January 11) than any other. I think it has to do with the sun, as I am not as bad throughout the summer. I am noticing that the sword from the Justice card is coming right out of my psychopath, in fact, right out of his groin. That must be of some significance.

Maybe I will never know. But it is clear to me that this little deck can take on more complex answers. I just cannot read her clearly as of yet. But she makes trying so much fun. I must make her a very special bag.

The X Appeal...

It really is funny how this turned out. I was sitting here with my hubby-to-be and decided to see if I could guess his answers from the images I got. And I know at least one of you wants to see this. Here are the highlights:



1.) Physical features about you that they find attractive

Um... I can't even bring myself to type what I see here. He sure is bringing a lot of swords with him though......








5.) Your overall sex appeal (how attractive you are to them)

That's a lot of fire!








7.) What they need to work on to become more attractive to you

Yeah, um chasing me with a big stick does NOT work! lol










8.) What they have that you want or find sexy

Here's a truth: He is never more sexy to me than when he is deep in thought over something. Like when he's working on the computer or drawing something, he's an artist. When his attention is so far from me, that is when I find him sexiest.





9.) Emotional/personality features that you find attractive about them

Again with my psychopath. I find it attractive when he has the strength to take care of me when I need him to. That is when he most resembles a "real" man. What was it that Marilyn said... “I make mistakes, I am out of control and at times hard to handle. But if you can’t handle me at my worst, then you sure as hell don’t deserve me at my best.”

I'm going way above the once a week thing here. I guess I did pick the right deck. I was dreading pulling out the ToD to shuffle it. This deck actually makes me want to read with it!

Another Strange Occurence....

I know this is a once a week exercise but I've been playing with this deck again. It shuffles so well and it's waterproof!

Anyway, I did the moon spread, which you will see once a month here. I'm not going to go over the whole reading, mostly because I don't remember all of it, but there is one part that I wanted to post.

I combined 3 cards per position. This image was in the position for "waning influences." So these are things that will be waning through this moon cycle. Since tomorrow is the full moon, Wolf Moon, as it is January, the end of this cycle will be before the new moon on the 25.

Now, the reason I am writing all of this down is because I'm seeing it like an experiment. But I will get to that a little later. Here's the image I saw:

Now, the cards are: The Empress, The Queen of Pents (my sig), and the 8 of Swords. But looking at this image, I can't even bother to use my "book" meanings. What I see is myself, obviously, as this Queen is often my sig and I identify with her most. But what I see upon her back is so chilling. This is how I see my anxiety, I call it the Psychopath in my Head. And here he is, stabbing me in the back with all those swords.

Now how else would I have ever read those three cards in this way? I would have begun with the Empress, and gone on about my mother. But here I see, the Empress is the base, she is the foundation that I am relying on, and therefor also is my mother. It's all so clear to me!

Now let's take a closer look at those two so you can see:

Now here, where you can see the separate image, it looks like my psychopath is the one trapped.
Kind of trippy, isn't it?

Anyway, my whole purpose for putting this up is that this image, my psychopath, is supposed to be a waning influence in this moon cycle. I have just begun a new anxiety treatment so I am wondering if this reading is correct. I say this because when I do read about the possible end of my anxiety, it is always there but I never have a time on it. And here, I wasn't even asking about it and here it is.

I am hopeful, but also realistic. I love this deck and I love how this blog autosaves! I've crashed twice and didn't lose anything.

I've edited to add that I am also curious to see if my psychopath gets worse during the waning moon. Which would be interesting, but that isn't what the reading suggested. I'm just curious to see if it does either.

Unexpected...

So, I'm considering changing my deck to the Transparent Tarot but I feel I will be cheating on my ToD (even though he knows he's my fave!)

Anyway, the strangest thing happened just now. I pulled out my personality cards, which are: The Empress, The Hanged Man, and The World. I'm a 3. I stacked them together and got this image. I wasn't expecting much, just doing it to see what it would look like. It was the very first thing I did with the deck after wiping each card individually. So I took a look.....

And I began to CRY! Real tears and a sob or two. My entire life in a single image, so simple, so innocent. It just is, with no judgments, no embellishment. Simply truth, it is what it is.

I saw myself, as the little girl I was and the older woman I am now becoming, stuck in that cocoon. Still waiting for the day it cracks open and lets me out. But while I am stuck here, I get to see the beautiful Earth all around me. And as it is in real life, I can see it all from my window, where I sit because I am always either too sick or too scared to walk out. And even though that branch has never let me fall, I don't feel all that safe just hanging here.

How I wish.... I wish.... to be let out of my cocoon.

It is strange for me to have such a reaction to a picture. I still am not sure what it is supposed to mean. But just before I put those cards together I was thinking of pulling 3 as a heads up for tomorrow but I was too afraid.

I also put all the minor 3's together but it hasn't made me cry yet. :D It could also be that I'm delirious from being sick for the past 5 weeks and I think I'm truly losing my mind.