Outlook Spread

By Indigo Rose

So, I got a letter from Social Security saying they are re-evaluating my disability status. I'm a little scared but I don't really think they will find me not disabled. Especially since I've lost all that weight and am really thin now. But I figured I'd do a spread about it anyway.

1) Outlook for the situation, event, or project

6 Pents, 3 Pents, Queen Swords

Outlook for the situation: Well, I am asking for money and showing them why. I'm not sure what that Queen is doing there. Perhaps I've been the Queen, trying to logically show them why I am unable to work.

2) What/Who will help

7 Swords, King Wands, 4 Cups

I think I will help. I think showing them my day to day life and how I struggle will be enough. It was enough last time and I've only gotten worse.

3) What this will lead to

7 Pents, 10 Pents, 10 Cups

7 is harvest, right? So after a long wait it will all come together.

4) How you will feel about the outcome

2 Wands, 10 Wands, 8 Wands

This one is confusing, because I know I will feel relieved. Perhaps there is something else they will do? Lots of fire for how I will feel.

Problem Spread.....

I really like this spread. It's so useful!

I thought it was significant that I've seen one of these images before. I think I'm beginning to understand what the Wheel has been trying to tell me.

What you think the problem is:

Star, Tower, 3 Wands

I like how the middle 3 is in the Star and the fire is in the Tower. I think the problem is massive and that there is no hope and that I haven't the energy to move beyond this. I am having trouble remembering the standard meaning of the 3, which happens a lot when I use this deck. The 3 is the waiting for the ships, right? I think I've done all I can and now I'm just stuck in limbo.

What the problem actually is:

5 Pents, Page Wands, Death

Now this is the image I have seen before! Remember the reading for how the anxiety group would turn out? Only Judgment has been replaced by that Page. So, the problem really is that I've uncovered that blockage and that is what has stolen my energy. Although, I can't say what I've uncovered, as I don't really know. I get the feeling that I am on schedule. That I am exactly where I am supposed to be at this moment. Which is what I think the Wheel has been trying to tell me. If you recall, the Wheel has been stalking me through this blog. I take this to mean that the problem is not as major as I think it is. Which is really weird since I've taken a very drastic downward spiral in past few months. My anxiety is worse than it has been in a long time. But perhaps it is always darkest before the dawn.

Solution to consider:

7 Swords, 7 Wands, Knight Cups

This is a drastic image for me. Our 7 wands is ever watchful and ever defending. But at what price? Look at that thief taking off with those swords! It's like I'm too busy fighting something to notice what is being taken from me. And there is that Knight, offering his cup. Full of love. This is reminding me of that breakthrough I had awhile ago. Where I realized that I created my anxiety to keep me safe. Only now I don't really need it anymore. This was my breakthrough of acceptance and knowing that I need to treat myself and my disorder with love if I am to get it to leave. I must teach that side of myself that I am safe now. That I am no longer that little girl and none of the people who hurt me are around any more. I am fighting ghosts.

Practical thing to do:

2 Pents, Knight Wands, 2 Swords

I like how those 2's are right on top of each other. My juggling and indecision. Trying to mix air and earth. Trying to quiet my logical, over-thinking mind and live in the now, in this body, moment to moment. And that Knight is just screaming of energy that I very much need right now and am severely lacking. I feel this image is telling me that the practical thing to do is what I've been doing. Only maybe step it up a notch.

Important Factor:

Hanged Man, 8 Swords, 7 Cups

I always see myself as that cocoon. All wrapped up in my safety zone. And that 8 is my anxiety. The 7 is the life I wish to have. This is an important factor! I have control here. I made this situation. I have let it control me for so long. Keeping myself hidden away, letting those swords keep me bound. I know it is a lie. I know this is not real yet I continue to live this way.

This deck is so amazing and just won't let me deceive myself. She's quiet blunt and talkative. I need to use her more.

Checking Accuracy

Back in April I did a reading about a therapy group I was about to join. Well, that group has ended and I wanted to take a look back at that reading and see how it turned out. My new thoughts are in italics.

1. Refers to the situation, relationship, or other concerns asked about.

Ace Pents, 5 Cups, 9 Pents

Yes, I'm looking for some stability, to be more comfortable in my life, but I'm afraid I will be disappointed. I've tried lots of programs without success.

I also note my despair in that 5 and feel that my enjoyment of life (9) is tied to that Ace.

2. Negative influence or blockage.

9 Swords, Emperor, Chariot

Well, there's that 9 which is my anxiety so I may have a hard time getting to the groups, as also seen by the Chariot. The Emperor, I think, is speaking of the group. I don't like to share intimate things to people. Well, in person that is. You guys don't count. I find it worth noting that as this is a negative or a blockage, the 9 is in the light horse, not the dark one. So my anxiety may keep me from doing well.

I only missed one session, due to my food poisoning, not anxiety. I was uncomfortable in the group but eventually became the biggest talker and actually made friends with some people in the group. It wasn't my anxiety that kept me from doing well, I had issues with the book we used. Mainly, it did not speak of generalized anxiety which is my biggest problem.

3. Positive influence or assistance.

Page Wands, Hermit, 8 Wands

I've met with the woman leading this group and she really strikes me as this Page. She's almost annoyingly upbeat and is very intense and passionate about this group. The Hermit doesn't surprise me at all. I'm very self aware and that will help me. With the assistance of that 8, it looks like I may make more headway in the self-realization aspect.

I actually had a very big realization late into the program. One that really opened my eyes and changed the way I see my anxiety. I do not feel like any part of the group was a part of that though. It came from something I read on the EFT site. But, my assessment of our teacher was spot on and I am set to join her other group next week.

4. What you can do to improve the situation. (The action card.)

Wheel, High Priestess, Queen Pents

That damn Wheel! I love that there's a book here though. How cool is that! Read the book, learn the secrets. Turn it all around and get to the "real" me. The me I want to be, which is that Queen.

I don't feel the HP was referring to the book, as I got nothing out of it that I didn't already know. I think the Wheel is just timing, or rather getting out of my head and into the Now. The Queen seems to be about cultivating the me I wish to be. The whole Act As If.

5. Probable outcome based on current circumstances (or direction that the situation/relationship is heading towards based on current circumstances.)

5 Pents, Death, Judgment

Normally, this outcome would be terrifying, but look how positive when it's speaking of something one wants to be rid of! I hate to jinx myself but by Goddess, this looks promising!

Like I said before, that realization I had that still has me reeling would not have come about had I not been in the group and not getting what I hoped out of it. I do feel a bit like the phoenix but not completely there yet. Like I've just begun the transformation but there is more work to be done. That scythe to the head really is spot on in regards to my realization, which I'm going to share with all of you. I cannot recall if I've posted it in this blog before now.

Anyway, here's the story. I was reading about inner child work and how when we are children and are in an unstable environment, the mind can do things to keep us safe. It mulled around in my brain and one night, on a long drive home from having fun with some friends, it hit me like a bolt of lightning. All these years I have looked at my anxiety as an enemy. Something to fight, and I do fight daily. I've likened it to a fight to the death. I had been searching for a way to change my perspective so that I may approach my anxiety in a positive way. While I was driving I realized that my anxiety is only trying to keep me safe, something my parents failed to do when I was young. So it isn't some scary monster, but myself. A part of me that, however misguided, is there for my own protection.

So now, instead of fighting it, I can approach it with love and understanding. To teach it, and myself, that it is no longer needed. I am safe where I am all the time. During a subsequent meditation I found myself in the cottage of the Crone, of whom I have always been a bit fearful. But there she was, in her cottage, fixing me a meal and she said to me, "Child, you are safe no matter where you are. Whether you are here with me, your guides, your loving fox, God and the Goddess... we are always with you. You are as safe in your house as you are in a plane that is hurtling to crash into the Earth. No matter where or when you are, you are safe."

And in that moment, when I heard these words from her, I imagined being in a plane about to crash and that same fear is what I feel daily. Only in this meditation, I was able to understand what she was telling me. I have nothing to fear and I am never alone, I am never forgotten, never unheard, never invisible. I am not that child anymore. My father is no longer the same man and he is not here to frighten me daily. I am more stable now than I have ever been in my life. I have a loving partner that takes great care of me, that loves and accepts every part of me, even the parts of me that I don't accept. I have two dogs that I adore and who give me such love. I have a direct connection to the divine whenever I need it. I have a roof over my head and food in my fridge, if I could only get myself to eat it. I have everything I need. I lack nothing. I am complete as I am.

I no longer need my anxiety to protect me. So now I must learn to let it go and teach it to leave. And I'm sure I will figure that out.

Confusion Spread

by: SilentBreeze

I think the problem is:

2 Pents, Queen Pents, Queen Cups

This card is what I think the problem is. Which is weird because the Queen's are superimposed on each other. This is how I feel a lot of the time. Like I have to choose between feeling my emotions and living in this world. Like I cannot do both. It is hard to explain in words. But the image feels how I feel. Almost like there are two of me struggling inside here for control.

But really the problem is:

7 Wands, Justice, 7 Swords

Well, look at that. Balance again, but they're each on a scale! It looks like fight and defend or retreat. This actually makes sense after the epiphany I had last week. I was reading and the author suggested that panic disorders are your body's way of trying to protect you. And I thought that made sense since my family wasn't really there for me when I was young. So, now I'm trying to re-train my body not to react to things that are not a threat to me. This image seems to strike a balance between those two extremes. Because, a bit of anxiety is healthy, to alert me to dangers so I don't want it completely gone but I don't want it going off for every little thing. Which takes the focus off the Queens above. There is nothing wrong with me mentally, which I already knew and have been feeling way better since my epiphany.

So I should consider:

Moon, 6 Cups, Wheel

Here is the solution card. That damn Wheel again! Is the 6 in the water quadrant of the Wheel? There is a lot in this image. For one thing, the Moon only has her third eye open. So that tells me that logical is not the way to go here. Also, those feathers from the Wheel are over her mouth. That is weird. I'm wondering if the 6 is about nurturing my inner child and perhaps taking a journey back to that time and maybe just listen.

And then:

5 Pents, Knight Swords, Strength

This is the action card. I think Strength here is animal instinct, aka my disorder. That 5 again, remember before where Death was right at his head? So here it is with a sword run through. But the sword isn't in the normal position when fighting. How strange is that? I've already learned to look at this in a different way. This is not a fight, my anxiety is not the enemy. It is my protector and now I must break away and let it go. Teach it and myself how to live on my own in the world. I feel the Knight's kneeling and the position of his sword are important but I can't find the words to explain. Like, he is in service, not in battle.

But remember:

Tower, 6 Pents, Ace Swords

This is the important factor card. The Tower for me is the crumbling of lies, which I assume is the next step. So that I may rebuild. And this is going to hurt a bit so I should be good to myself. I also think the Ace is a great sign that I will be able to see through to the truth and integrate my new thought processes without much of a problem.

You know, sometimes I love this deck so much.

Took a Break

But I'm back now. I'm a little off, this reading is not making sense to me.

The 6 Card Tell Me Spread by Golden Angel

Card 1- Can represents the past or recent past that has lead up to querent's current state or what is leading up to where they want to be or what they want to achieve.

Wheel, 10 Wands, Queen Swords

There's that Wheel again. I can see the Queen as who I am with my anxiety, which is my 10 Wands. I've been too logical, too burdened.

Card 2- Signifies the current dilemma with the querent. Its really good at echoing the querent's question.

6 Pents, Page Pents, World

Well, I'm now the apprentice (page) trying to put to use what I've learned spiritually. Taking the offerings of spirit (6). The World, I'm seeing as bringing things together or, at least, my desire to do so. Actually, this comes into what I was talking about earlier today. I'm trying to get my soul to stay in this body, to be present in this body. To be present in this World instead of in my head.

Card 3- Signifies one half of the underlying problem (the other half is revealed in Card 4). Typically this shows up as a person, sometimes an event or issue, but usually its a person (court card).

King Cups, Emperor, 5 Swords

So this is one half of the underlying problem. This one is difficult. Rising above, with love, but the Emperor is in the way. I am too busy with the swords.

Card 4- Signifies the other half of the underlying problem. Usually indicates what the issue is and with whom when read with Card 3. (This tends to be either a major arcana or a minor card).

Queen Pents, Ace Wands, 5 Cups

The other half of the problem. I always see this Queen as me, who I want to be. I don't feel 5 of Cups at all, in relation to her. The Ace could be my lack of energy.

Card 5- The next stage just before the final outcome happens. It usually reveals the Karmic or Life Lesson or the emotional theme associated from the struggle denoted by Cards 3 and 4.

2 Swords, Knight Swords, Devil

The Champion. Perhaps it is as simple as the decision to get out.

Card 6- The final outcome card.

7 Pents, 4 Wands, 5 Wands

Harvest, building a new foundation. But that 5, more to do still?

Spirit Guide

So, I've recently met my spirit guide but am having trouble communicating with him so I thought I'd do this spread.

by: miss_apples

1 represents the spirit, a little info about who they are

Ace Wands, 10 Swords, World

That Ace reinforces my belief that he is male. The 10 is kind of weird as I get the feeling he was a knight of some kind. He just kind of looks like one, it's hard to describe. I'm not sure what the World is trying to tell me. Maybe that he did was alive at one time, so he could have been a knight.

2 represents why they are with you right now

King Wands, Page Pents, 4 Cups

Well, the King certainly looks like he's watching over. The Page looks to be trying to distract the 4 with that pent.

3 represents what they want you to know

5 Cups, 8 Cups, Queen Swords

It looks like, even though I feel hopeless, there is a way out. Perhaps I need to cultivate some of the Queen's traits to do that.

4 represents what actions you can take and/or how you can help them

10 Wands, 7 Pents, Queen Cups

To put down all my wands and juggle with the Queen? I'm not sure what this one means.

5 is a summary/outcome of the entire reading

Devil, Lovers, 9 Cups

Another strange combination. I can't help but notice that the Devil completely surrounds the yin/yang of the Lovers. That is telling, isn't it? To harness that perhaps. To help me with balance.

Well, nothing too straightforward. Maybe I need to make up my own spread and try again.

Serenity

It's been one of those weeks. Our group leader mentioned the Serenity Prayer last week. It's been in my head since. I'm now stuck home with a cold and not much else to do...

Spread by Embla

Position 1: Serenity - How do I find serenity in this situation?

9 wands, 4 swords, 4 pents

By persevering, resting and meditation, relaxing. I love how the 4 of pents, which is always a card to relax for me, is stepping on the other 4's head. We have been speaking in group of untwisting our thoughts and becoming conscious of our negative thoughts. So this part seems to point to that. I also like how that 9 seems centered, almost in prayer or contemplation.

Position 2: Acceptance - How do I find acceptance of the things I can´t change?

knight cups, justice, 3 swords

We also spoke of acceptance of self and being kinder to ourselves. I see that in the knight and the 3. I also think Justice is fitting. Weighing what can be changed. I see this as not beating myself up for what I cannot change. But I tend to think that everything and anything can be changed. I have a very hard time with the word acceptance. I must realize I don't have to always be a warrior.

Position 3: Courage - How do I find the courage to change the things I can?

ace pents, 7 swords, 2 pents

That 2 really looks like me when I meditate and that is a big way for me to find courage. I'm pretty courageous, if I do say so myself. Staying grounded is important to me as well, as I see in that ace. That ace, because it is a pentacle reminds me of my religion, which I should lean on more than I do. That may help as well. I think that 7 is representing my mind and how I tend to sew seeds of self-doubt. Which is funny because I joined another group, it's for self-empowerment, and it is coinciding nicely with my anxiety group. They tend to work on the same things and my daily affirmations may help to sew new seeds.

Position 4: Wisdom - How do I find the wisdom to know the difference between 2 and 3?

empress, magician, 2 swords

This image really speaks of balance for me. I need to create more balance and keep myself in this world, as opposed to my own little world that I've created. And to be more conscious of the fact that I do have the power to decide.

Emotional Clutter....

Well, my class is going so/so. We have yet to touch upon anything life changing and I'm growing aggravated by the other people in the group. They are really close minded and it bothers me. I don't feel like sharing in that type of group. I'm also still on the waiting list for one on one therapy so my tarot must step in.

1.)What kind of emotional clutter have I accumulated?

5 Swords, Page Cups, Sun

It looks like that 5 has entrapped the Page. Like I'm struggling with myself. That Page wants out to play and enjoy but the 5 has her trapped. It isn't safe, you can't go willy-nilly and carefree. I don't know what the Sun is doing there at all. Maybe that's my belief in how I see things. Even though I know they are wrong I somehow convince myself that things are how they seem.

2.)How is it affecting me?

10 Wands, 9 Wands, 8 Wands

Bizarre cards and a bizarre image. There is no touching, no over-lapping. I am burdened, but I persevere, even though I wish to fly away. Or just die.

3.)How is it affecting my relationships with others?

Empress, Wheel, 6 Swords

I do feel disconnected to others. Almost like I am on a journey no one else can understand. Which is how anxiety is. If you've never experienced it you have no idea how it is. But why is the Wheel stalking me? Is it because I still don't know if this is meant to be or what? I feel like this card will keep reappearing until I figure it out.

4.)What steps can I take to remove this clutter?

6 Wands, Death, 10 Swords

Realize the worst has come to be, as it has. Cut out what is not needed and visualize myself as I want to be.

5.)What can I do to avoid accumulating clutter in the future?

8 Cups, 2 Swords, 2 Cups

Letting it go, making a conscious decision to let it go, and to rely more on my close relationships to keep me sane. I know I don't always see things as they really are and I do need to ask for help sometimes. I'm so bad at that as I don't want to burden anyone. But what else are they here for if not for when I need them? I would do the same for them.

I am so not in the mood for this today. It's been a long weekend and my fuse is short.

Anxiety Group Meeting...

So, I've been accepted into an anxiety support group. We're using a book so it's like a class and that gets the ubernerd in me so excited! Anyway, I'm not sure it's going to help so I decided to ask the cards.....

1. Refers to the situation, relationship, or other concerns asked about.

Ace Pents, 5 Cups, 9 Pents

Yes, I'm looking for some stability, to be more comfortable in my life, but I'm afraid I will be disappointed. I've tried lots of programs without success.

2. Negative influence or blockage.

9 Swords, Emperor, Chariot

Well, there's that 9 which is my anxiety so I may have a hard time getting to the groups, as also seen by the Chariot. The Emperor, I think, is speaking of the group. I don't like to share intimate things to people. Well, in person that is. You guys don't count. I find it worth noting that as this is a negative or a blockage, the 9 is in the light horse, not the dark one. So my anxiety may keep me from doing well.

3. Positive influence or assistance.

Page Wands, Hermit, 8 Wands

I've met with the woman leading this group and she really strikes me as this Page. She's almost annoyingly upbeat and is very intense and passionate about this group. The Hermit doesn't surprise me at all. I'm very self aware and that will help me. With the assistance of that 8, it looks like I may make more headway in the self-realization aspect.

4. What you can do to improve the situation. (The action card.)

Wheel, High Priestess, Queen Pents

That damn Wheel! I love that there's a book here though. How cool is that! Read the book, learn the secrets. Turn it all around and get to the "real" me. The me I want to be, which is that Queen.

5. Probable outcome based on current circumstances (or direction that the situation/relationship is heading towards based on current circumstances.)

5 Pents, Death, Judgment

Normally, this outcome would be terrifying, but look how positive when it's speaking of something one wants to be rid of! I hate to jinx myself but by Goddess, this looks promising!

Now I'm even more excited for tomorrow!

Experiment 2 Part 2

Sorry for the delay, was waiting on our Great Leader for some insight into these positional meanings.

1. The source of my Light

5 Swords, Queen Cups, Fool

This is where our "personality" or "light" developed and began to 'blossom'. This card indicates the 'root' of our personality.

The 5 and the Fool clearly show an ability to pick up the pieces and move on, that nothing is really all that bad. I tend to not dwell on things. I have a saying that if no one is dying then it isn't a big deal. The Queen shows a good understanding of emotions. By that I mean that I am not one to deceive myself. I am quite aware of my emotions and where they come from but I don't always know what to do with them. I also think that 5 speaks of the abandonment I experienced early in my childhood.

2. The source of my Shadow

9 Swords, 5 Wands, Justice

This represents the "root" of our shadow side. Where it began to develop and .. well, I can't seem to think of a word that's similar to 'blossom' but more in a shadowy way.

Well, that 9 could be my anxiety. I really feel the 5 and Justice are saying that it was a natural reaction to that 9. Like, well what else were you supposed to do with that? But I don't like how she is sitting on one side of the scale.

3. Where does my Light shine the most?

6 Swords, Ace Wands, 3 Pents

This position indicates where you are able to express the traits, talents, abilities, characteristics given by your personality card the most. As well as, the times and instances you're able to .. well.. shine!

Ok, well I'm good at learning my lessons and moving on. I do get many sparks of passion and am always following something new and that three is showing that I am good at doing that. This is funny because I think a lot of these things that I do are mostly a distraction from my anxiety.

4. What does my Shadow hide the most?

8 Wands, 7 Swords, Wheel

These are the areas you need to work upon, reflect upon, look into yourself, heal, etc etc, that you may or may not be aware off, but your 'Shadow' card prevents you from truly "seeing" and "understanding"

Wow, um I'm a bit stumped on this one, as I always am when the Wheel shows up. But the placement of the 8 and 7 makes me think that the defending and planning that I do is really taking me away from what I'm supposed to do. So, in a sense, my anxiety is distracting me from my real life purpose. How strange that is to think. As most who read this blog know, I thought my anxiety was punishment from a former life, or here in the now to further my eternal being. Now, I think this may not be the case.

5. What does my Light want me to see the most?

3 Cups, Page Wands, 7 Cups

This position represents areas/moments/situations, etc that your 'Light' is willing to shine, and where you can also 'shine' bright as ever, but you may not really know this, or probably do, but were afraid or weren't willing enough to let yourself "shine".

Ok, let's look at that 3 because with the 7 it is true to my life. I'm always on the outside, on purpose. I like to see people having a good time, I just don't want to be involved. I can, of coure, I have many friends and get along well with people, I just prefer to be alone. Perhaps that Page is telling me that there is something more to involvement that I could benefit from

6. What does my Shadow want to hide from me the most?

6 Wands, 10 Cups, 2 Swords

These are areas that we choose to (consciously and unconsciously) 'block' and 'ignore', thinking that avoiding them will make them go away, but doing so only makes them harder to release. Acknowledging them and healing them is the only way of truly releasing them and finding a sense of inner peace.

This is tough. One of the things I ignore is my family. Or rather, I prefer not to think about it. I had a difficult childhood and my family is scattered. We don't know how to be a family and that has always bothered me and I know it is a part of things for me in the present. Perhaps that 2 is telling me that I don't know what to do, which I already know that. I don't know how to mend what happened to me and how to make it all ok now.

7. How do I create a harmonious balance between my Light and Shadow.

3 Swords, Ace Pents, Tower

Well, thanks a lot! If there ever was a suicide card..... I'm kidding! I need to cut out those parts of me and change the foundations of my thinking so that I may begin again, stable in this world. I love that Ace. I see so much potential for really living in the world with that card. *sigh* That is what I wish for more than anything.

Well, that was a tough read and I will need to go back over it in a few days. It's a lot to think about.